A lot of folks are understandably paranoid about their data being stolen, lost, or monitored, and I count myself among them…Yet there’s one situation many take for granted that jolts me up in the night in a cold sweat. Some would laugh at me for even sharing this, but when you feel a certain way, you just feel that way, y’know?

You may be thinking, “Oh, they must be afraid of getting doxed despite being a nobody, having a kink outed, or some sex video leaked” but honestly…It’s more mundane than that.

No, what really gets me up at night? What wakes me in a tremble?

It’s being bound in an office cubicle, forced to navigate the internet…Without adblockers…Without any custom extensions…And required to view and listen to and click through every last ad. If the ad leads to another ad? I have to go through every one, and I’m forced to act delighted, forced to share each one with…Friends? The clients and sites resemble email clients and social media sites but I don’t recognize any of them. It doesn’t matter, I’m forced to spread the sterile marketing material grinning like a maniac.

And then, once I’ve spread the slop around, what am I rewarded with? Whatever was buried beneath all the ads on the sites I’m being compelled to visit…Only for the site contents themselves to be nothing more than ads! When I try to get away, each site is the same process, and if I try to call out to someone, anyone else in this cubicle hell?

Some hyperactive suits show up outside trying to sell me on a different cubicle space, a promotion to the “executive” offices, so finally, realizing I’m trapped and no one here will help me…It finally dawns on me to try my personal phone…

Only even there I’m hounded by notifications to upgrade my mobile plan and reminded of the bill coming next month but that if I pay this or that way I can save so much more! Every attempt to call anyone is run through machine menus that only lead to more marketing material and it’s only as I feel as though I’m losing my mind that I wake shuddering and I hear the echoes of clips stuck in a cacophonous loop…

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