That sounds like a lot to deal with, and it sounds like you’re dealing with it alone. I’m sorry to hear that. I wonder if any of the doctors you are seeing could suggest a support group, or if there are some online you might like. Lemmy seems great (I’m new) but not necessarily super active.

If thinking about getting into a relationship is causing additional stress, it might not be a bad idea to hold off. It is absolutely possible to find a fulfilling relationship with chronic pain/chronic illness, but it’s difficult to do so when you’re not in a great place mentally.

Have you looked into telehealth/virtual therapy appointments? There’s betterhelp, though I don’t think they work with insurance, and you might be able to find an in-state provider who would do telehealth. I would advise sending out some emails to providers in your state and seeing who might be open to telehealth.

I wish you all the best. I have many relatives with chronic pain/chronic illness who have been able to find partners who understand. It is possible. For the moment, though I can’t imagine how difficult it is, do what you can to help yourself.

Do you have a library card? At my library I can reserve the books I want, and if they don’t have them they borrow them from another library in their system, and I get an email when they’re ready to be picked up. I also use the app Goodreads to track what I want to read.

If reading physical books is difficult, consider audiobooks as well!

For something sci fi/fantasy but more a serious/intense story:

A Deadly Education / the Scholomance series

Project Hail Mary

For more feel-good sci fi/fantasy:

The House in the Cerulean Sea

A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet

Grammar