I decided I would be willing to date a non-vegan since despite the conveniences and shared ethics of other vegans, it can be hard to find them in general, and maybe I could influence people positively, though probably without any expectation for them to go vegan (but still hoping society will move toward it one day anyway).
But online questions asking people (non-vegans) if they would date a vegan really shocked and surprised me when most of the answers were no, mostly for reasons of inconvenience and a fear of being pulled into veganism. This leaves me feeling like finding other vegans may be my only option after all. Is this somewhat accurate?
You must log in or register to comment.
Is being vegan a moral thing? Most that I’ve heard say yes.
This means that regardless of outward harassing them about it, your mindset is one in which they are doing something immoral and do not care to change it. It is inseparable: the position that it is morally correct to be vegan is inseparable from the corollary that those who are not are less moral.
Knowing that your romantic partner judges you as a bad person does not really make for a positive relationship, I would say. I doubt I would be willing to date someone who holds that position.
I think it’s an ethical, environmentally beneficial and healthy choice. But that doesn’t mean I think someone who doesn’t make that choice is automatically a bad person. That’s where I feel like nonvegans might be projecting that idea a little bit, to be honest.
Frankly, this is not a question for the Internet - it is a question for you.
You can certainly find someone to try have a relationship with.
But: What do you think about non-vegans? Do you see yourself unreservedly loving someone who eats meat, even though you (presumably) think it’s morally wrong?
Because that will definitely leak into your relationship as a whole.
The primary concerns would be the fear of being preached to or derided, and substantial difficulty with meals.
No one wants to be called a murderer, especially by their romantic partner. Not that you would do that personally, but that’s the image “vegan” brings to mind.
Meals are a significant part of any relationship: going out, cooking for each other, family dinners, etc. Dating a vegan makes all those things more complicated for omnivores.
Not to say it’s a foregone conclusion, but past experiences with vegans may very well make non-vegans reluctant to date one.
I would just add that eating out with a vegan and non-vegan together doesn’t inherently have to be any more difficult than 2 vegans or 2 non-vegans. From my experience anyway, and where I live. :)
@Robustic this is MY experience as a vegan for +8y. I dated a non-vegan girl for several months, and was an issue to me in terms of long term expectations as a couple. Veganism is a philosophy that excludes as far as possible and practicable all kind of animal exploitation. This is one of the main ideological topics for me, like racism, feminism, religion, institutional politics….
My current girlfriend is vegan (has been for more than 5 years), we have a lot in common and everything is great 😊.The key is acceptance. I’m willing to accept my partner if they are vegan, can the accept me as a non vegetarian?
The problem is that vegans (not all) see it as morally wrong so it would be like asking if they can accept that you like eating dogs (like some cultures do) and I can see plenty of people who would not accept or respect the practice of eating dogs.
Yes, I can accept it :)
I prefer to not talk about the direct topic of veganism on the first dates (unless I have to). Most people don’t know what’s veganism and are even scared of the word.
I’d rather know the person first and see if our values align with other questions, like: ‘do you think animals feel pain?’ or ‘what do you think about factory farming?’.
But I gotta tell you, dating vegans is probably much easier. It will be easier to get a consensus on where to go for dinner, it will be easier to go shopping and you won’t get invited to watch dog fighting and these kinds of stuff omnis do.
and maybe I could influence people positively
I as a vegaterian who rarely eats non-vegan stuff never try to convert others. I only correct them if they say wrong stuff but also try not to influence them. I think that every human who just watched one animals feel pain in any way should have gotten that being vegan is a no-brainer.
Do non-vegans really refuse to date vegans?
It’s intesting to me to put this that way. Usually I think of things from my own perspective, not from others. I couldn’t be with someone who isn’t vegetarian.
As with any large life-style decision you’ll find it reduces the dating pool (and generally for good reason). Would you really want to spend your life with someone that spends free days smoking brisket or roasting ribs or generally preparing meals like that? To someone without dietary constraints (self imposed or otherwise) I’m sure that sounds heavenly, but if I were vegan in the situation (or vice versa tbh) I know I just wouldn’t desire the daily friction. Life should be as fluid as possible and there are plenty of lifestyle compatible people out there looking for companionship.
I feel that veganism is a value-based belief system. This means that even different vegans may interpret the restrictions differently.
The question is whether you will expect this person to convert and if you can live with their usage of animal products.
Locking this thread for now, because there seems to be some omni-trolling happening and I’ll be heading to sleep rather than patrolling this thread. Please read the “What is Veganism?” part of the sidebar before commenting, thanks!
I (or someone else) will unlock it when all the comments have been moderated and when people stop trolling. Seriously, this is a vegan community not a plant based diet one.
Edit: Unlocked. Please don’t conflate vegan and plant based and remember that veganism is NOT a diet!
Hi, I just wanted to ask something (not specifically related to this thread actually). It seems like most people in this community are non-vegans rather than vegans. Would that be accurate?
I think the people who are subscribed are vegan, but it takes one omni to start a huge comment thread and then the post gets more visible and they all turn up here to commit some veganbashing
I think on a rather small platform like Lemmy it is inevitable that non-vegans find their way into a vegan community (or “outsiders” to any community in general) by the All feed.
My wife is vegetarian and I am not. It’s not really an issue. Vegan would be quite a bit more difficult to accommodate as I’d have to cut out dairy and honey from meals I cook which both make regular appearances in dishes. Still, as long as you’re not annoying about it and are also understanding about the fact that many potential partners won’t know how to cook for you I don’t see why it would be a deal breaker.
Side note while we’re on the subject, what’s with the restriction on honey? The rest of it I understand the reasoning behind but honey seems like a harmless thing to me.
Well primarily vegans don’t eat honey because it’s a form of exploitation of animals (bees). This can carry ethical as well as environmental issues.
This goes into some of the reasons why vegans typically avoid honey:
https://www.careelite.de/en/why-vegans-dont-eat-honey/
TL;DR:
▪︎ Bees make the honey for themselves ▪︎ Honey production is exhausting ▪︎ We manipulate the animals for the honey ▪︎ Honey bees are exploited in mass breeding ▪︎ Bees are injured and die ▪︎ Honey is not particularly healthy ▪︎ There are plant-based alternatives ▪︎ Wild bees are important for biodiversity ▪︎ Bees are living beings and not commodities ▪︎ Wild bees are essential for the survival of us humans
And here is the Vegan Society’s page on honey:
https://www.vegansociety.com/go-vegan/why-go-vegan/honey-industry
Hope that helped :)
And right there is why they’re gonna run into issues dating non-vegans. It’s a lifestyle for them. It’s not just a meal choice. It extends to things like products bought, activities done, etc. and when you “hope” someone will change, that’s a big red flag in a relationship.
Honey is a food lol
I grew up with a sister who is vegan and I would definitely think twice before dating one. I’ve come to believe that shared meals are a huge part of human culture and if I can’t eat with my partner without there being some kind of tension about it I don’t see how it could work out.
I don’t think that tension is a necessary component of a vegan and nonvegan eating together, at all. I’m sorry if you had a bad experience but that’s not inherently the case, in my experience eating with nonvegans.
Always remember that most questionnaires are limited, in that they restrict your answers. If the question was worded in a detrimental way towards vegans, then it’s more likely to get a negative answer. Also remember that the stereotype of a vegan is an activist who’s going to berate you for eating meat. That stereotype will put a lot of people off.
If I was still single, I wouldn’t have a problem with dating a vegan, as long as they didn’t try to complain about my preferences. There would obviously be comprises, like I wouldn’t order a steak if we were out for a romantic meal, but I wouldn’t expect a problem with grabbing a burger if I need something quick to eat while I’m out. That goes for any conflicting philosophy in a relationship though, there’s got to be some give and take.
I couldn’t date a vegan. Eating and eating out is just such an enjoyable part of life for me and my family. The restrictions of a vegan diet would just make life so difficult to share life with. My wife and I enjoy much of the same food together and sharing something you enjoy with someone you love is what makes relationships so fun.
